So This is Where it Begins

 

Where what begins? I don’t even know. As I sit here writing and watching DVR’d Scandal, I’ve been contemplating where to start on this blog journey of mine. What do I want to accomplish? What do I want to bring to my readers? What value are you going to see in ME?  I’ve known what I wanted to share for awhile and what value I wanted to bring to the public. Like some, maybe most writers, I want to bring awareness for women and men alike.

Now bare with me, because the majority of everything I say will be  woman. I am a strong female advocate and unfortunately the statistics and my own experience show that women are in fact the majority share of victims of domestic abuse. For the longest time, I was unable to vocalize in good conscience how we as women should be able to cultivate and maintain healthy relationships. Relationships with our friends, significant others, parents, siblings, children: ANYONE. You may ask why? Because the relationships I was in weren’t healthy. I knew it. On every level I knew it. Some days I ignored it, some days I spent hours looking for ways out. I knew what needed to be done, but I couldn’t share any of what I knew because it would be hypocritical. If there is one thing in this world I try my hardest not to be is hypocritical.

Now try and stay with me because my head is full of jumps and curves and I can move off track faster than a derailing train. So I will side note here because Scandal just caught my full attention. If you have ever watched and noticed the amount of turmoil Olivia Pope has to endure. Fitz, Jake, her dad: none of these are healthy. In this particular scene that just caught my eye, Jake is going full throttle to convince her to sleep with him, although she knows what the consequence is. She’s in pure turmoil. She thinks she can change him, she believes he loves her, and isn’t saying no although she’s crying. Jake is void of emotion. He plays emotion on his face, but his voice you can feel every bit of deep down darkness of empty he carries. She is his pawn. Finally she pulls through as a strong person and says no. This my friends is a prime example of what I am referring to in my value to you.

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I have felt it, I have lived it, I have ran from it only to be sucked right back in. Finally I cut it a little at a time and threw it away with the wind. It cost me peace of mind, it cost my children years off their childhood and made my oh so sweet 9 soon to be 10 year old, wiser than he should be. I can share this with you know because my relationships are whole, I have learned boundaries, and felt the honest true deep love of a man that I reciprocate to my core. This, my friends, is what I will share with you. Please do not be deterred if you do not fit my mold. I don’t mince words. It doesn’t matter if you are straight, gay, unattached, parentless, male, female, Christian, Atheist, Agnostic. I promise you everything I have to say will have a place in your heart if it’s meant to. It will teach you and it will make you search your soul.

Check out Jake and Olivia’s scene. Season 5 Episode 13. Does it seem normal? Well guess what? It’s not.

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