Have you ever felt bullied? I know it’s a term that people use unappreciatively now days and everything is bullying. But I mean do you feel it? People telling you how you’re wrong or you shouldn’t be who you are. Making fun of you, pressuring you, saying untrue things.To clarify, bullying is a term used for school aged children. “Bullying is unwanted, aggressive behavior among school aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance.” As where in adults, it’s classified as harassment, being aggressive pressure or intimidation.
They’re probably not all narcissists, but none the less they’re wrong. Honestly I’m tired of our non inclusive world. Where you have to be this or that to fit in here or there, where you have to meet a standard of someone else. Why can’t we just be us? Why pretend to be something you’re not? Of course I have a story to tie in to this, but I want to first pause us and really think about that. Why do we do it? Why do we accept it? Why oh why can people not just stand up, be themselves, and accept others at face value? What is it about human nature that just makes us so damn eager to please?
I have recently come face to face with a new bully in my life. I use that term because it’s so familiar for people to identify with. I was told recently (and not so recently over and over again) I need to change myself. The answer is this: No I don’t. There’s nothing wrong with ME. There’s nothing wrong with being passionate and feeling very deeply. I know when to be polite. I know when I’m being overly emotional. Ask those that really know me and they’ll tell you, Kaite knows. I may not always reel it back but I know. Those times I don’t reel it in, I’m either A) so stressed out I’m beyond reason at that second (and literally it’s a full maybe 60 seconds of a rant) or B) I really just DGAF.
So the question presents itself again. Why do YOU care what people think about your natural self? You tell them how you feel, what you think, and if they don’t like it oh well. You do not have to pretend. You do however have to be kind and respectful. Now I know there are those out there that are reading and going, YEAH STICK IT TO THE MAN! That is in no way what I’m talking about. There isn’t anyone to “stick” it to. I am simply saying here, if you’re a quiet person, be quiet. If you have opinions, let them be heard. And just be kind about it.
Here is what I’ve experienced. People use harsh words to bring you down and encapsulate your spirit into their cage. This is where we get into narcissism. The best way I’ve heard it phrased is this:
“Namely, the narcissist’s despising of you, and malicious attacks, are all to do with him or her trying to destroy the parts of him or herself that the narcissist detests; the parts that the narcissist has assigned as you“
This phrase got me through so much emotion. I would sit there and wonder, in awe, how all of the accusations thrown at someone were the EXACT thing the accuser was doing. Not only for people personally accusing me, but to others as well. The little jokes about your body, the little comments about your personality, the blunt attacks on your character and of those you love, that become more frequent and forceful over time. And that my friends is exactly what a bully does. You’ve heard it in childhood stories. They belittle you because deep down they feel little themselves. They have little to no feelings of self worth or they feel threatened by something. Only in adulthood and relationships, it gets worse. They’re no longer just calling you stupid. They’re beating day in and day out on your brain. This is domestic abuse. Your brain is just a much a part of your body as your face. You may not come out with bruises visible to others. But you do come out with a heart and brain so bruised and beaten, it take power and strength to overcome. So stop trying to please everyone. Know that you have value and you are wonderful. Know this because it is your weapon and the most powerful one you have.