Think differently. What an impactful phrase that is. I heard those words just minutes ago from the man himself, Steve Jobs. So many of us never think any differently. We live in the status quo, accepting life as it is. How can we think differently in our lives, in our relationships.
I follow this page on Instagram, Marriage 365. Lots of motivational quotes and what not. They do different webcasts and seminars on marriage and they have one coming up for how to manage arguments in your relationship. Now Brad and I rarely argue and we most certainly never fight. It was a rule from the beginning: We compromise, we apologize. Always always always. If something isn’t to his liking, he lets me know and vice versa. That’s why the picture Marriage 365 posted with their webinar shocked me so much. A quote:
“According to Dr. John Gottman, 69% of conflict is unresolvable in relationships.”
I’m sorry say whaaaaa?! Horrific choice of words man! 69% of conflict may be unavoidable, but unresolvable?! No way. My marriage is living, breathing proof of that. Disagreeing on things is unavoidable, but 100% of the time within our first year of marriage we’ve resolved it. We are batting 100 and we plan on keeping it that way. It’s so funny to me that we think we need classes to teach us how to argue. I’m positive we don’t need any help in that. Now how to resolve and communicate? THAT we need more of. We really need to think differently on this one folks. It’s not even an outside of the box thinking, it’s a common sense valuable. I know if you go back you’ll see me speak about some of the “arguments” Brad and I have had. But you’ll also see how communication has helped us resolve them. 99% of the time we avoid conflict at all by simply letting each other know how we feel. Case in point: our one year anniversary trip. We both knew we wanted to go somewhere. The planner that I am, I was going to surprise him. I went back and forth to try and pick the best one. Finally I decided I should tell him because I really wanted his input and I was scared to death of ruining our anniversary by picking wrong. He would have been happy with either one, but by asking him I knew which one he preferred. Guess what? He had his own ideas and a much better ones than me! He knew he was taking a chance on not picking either of my ideas, but us communicating and keeping an open mind allowed us to open an amazing door. Don’t always assume you’ll know your spouse my friends. . 10 years, 20 years, even 50 years later.
We always apologize too. We have bad days. I can get in some funky moods and I’ve learned as of late, so can he. But we always let that be upfront. “Look I’m having a shit day/week and I’m sorry for being such a bitch” It comes out of my mouth OFTEN. I have some crap trigger moments too. Something happens, and some PTSD kicks in and BAM! And I may hold it in, but he nows somethings bothering me and eventually I let him know what it is. So just, well, think differently. Learn how to think compassionately, learn how to compromise, and most importantly: learn how to not be selfish in a world full of selfishness. That my friends is how to think differently and not learn how to argue, but learn how to resolve.
So as an on going evolution of this just started blog, I am going to start some categories. I will have my normal posts, hopefully tying them back into experiences to help relate. I will also have a #YearofBradandKaite to highlight how we come to conflict and resolve, but also to highlight healthy relationships. I know the cliche is, every relationship isn’t perfect…. Guess what? Ours *kinda* is. Do we have disagreements? Yes. Do I have habits that drive him nuts? Yes. Does he have habits that drive me nuts? Yes. But so what does it matter if he spilled ketchup all over the new comforter because he was eating spaghetti in bed? Did I get exasperated? Yes I did. Angry? Absolutely not. So what if I use the same knife for peanut butter and jelly? Does he get angry? No. Displeased? Quite often! The other night after having a trigger moment, I told him I felt like something was wrong because we don’t argue. He asked if I wanted to argue and I said no, I just feel like everybody has arguments and we don’t so I feel like somethings wrong with us, like we were hiding all of our feelings. Obviously saying it made me realize how dumb it was, but it made me realize we really are perfect together and how wonderful it is to be married to your soul mate and best friend. I want to urge you all to wait for that person and be able to recognize when you meet them.
I’m also going to start a section on everyday life. Our adventures in parenting, how I juggle life with 3 tiny humans, a husband, a career, and other little things that you can find on a lot of blogs, but hopefully mine will provide you with a one stop shop and you’ll feel like this is home. Be sure to comment and let me know the things you’d most like to hear and see!