Oh boy am I fired up tonight! It has come to my attention recently that my child’s biological grandparents are under the impression I am an evil person because I’m not allowing contact with him. That I am somehow breaking my child’s spirits and ruining his life because he now has lost all the love in it. ARE YOU SERIOUS?!
Grandparents of the world let me say this once and once only: You are not good for our children. Why do you ask? You spoil them, you undermine parental authority, and in my specific case, you failed at raising your own child. Mind you this is excluding all the grandparents who have had to step up and raise their grandchildren and the grandparents who understand and respect boundaries. Which is probably 75% of them.
I’m sure I’ll have many parents who relate, however, let me go ahead and explain my particular situation in an open letter to his biological grandparents and the world full of grandparents like them.
My son is 10 years old. For all intents and purposes to me, he is 10 years and 10 months old because I was the one who carried him. I was the one who spent 26.5 hours birthing him and I have been the one to provide, care, and love him since the day he began growing. ME and ONLY ME. I also was the one who worked 12 hour night shifts to provide for YOUR son, who slept until 1 and then laid on the couch until 2am watching TV, while carrying my own child. I was the one, who after paying YOUR sons bills and putting food in YOUR sons mouth, you allowed YOUR son to kick out of YOUR house 7 months pregnant in the dead of winter. Not because I disobeyed my vows or any other reason one would find valid to throw your pregnant wife’s clothes in the yard, but because I couldn’t give him TEN THOUSAND dollars to build a garage for his precious toy race car. Remember that 19 year old pregnant daughter in law you had when that happened? That was me. That was me and MY son thrown to the wolves. Do you remember that time your son pulled a gun out and threatened to kill himself? Or the time he jumped on the hood of my car as I backed out of the driveway with my 14 month old child in the car so I couldn’t leave? That is the man you raised. So forgive me if I have lost ability to think any influence you would have on my son would be positive.
You, my friend, are an enabler. You allowed your son to grow up spoiled and unaccountable for any actions. A man who feels as if there are no consequences for his actions and is a waste of God’s precious air in this world. He adds nothing to the value of society. No matter how hard I tried to instill some sense of ANYTHING into him while we were married, it failed because he had absolutley no parenting. Everytime he fell, you caught him. Everytime he’s been wrong, you lament but don’t stand up. And now at 32 years old, you think he’s capable of fending for himself? No. He’s fending off taxpayer money because “he can’t get along with people”.
So allow me to translate that into what it does for my child. Nothing. HIs biological father is nothing. Nothing to me and nothing to him and you act like you have some God given right to MY child? NO. Just because when I had to ask for help buying his clothes from your son, you sent $40 4 times in 10 years or you bought Christmas and birthday presents doesn’t mean I owe you my child’s precious time. Because it was your sons’s job to provide for and nurture the life he helped create. But he didn’t. I did. Do you know what happened a month ago? Your good for nothing son took me to court to avoid paying child support. That’s right, me. The one who puts a roof over JT’s head, the one who puts food in his mouth, the one who puts clothes on his back, the one who pays for his field trips and sports, the one who makes sure he has heat and water. The one who spends well over $10,000 a year providing for him, and your son had the audacity to try and run from an obligation. Shocking. That is the man you raised and enabled. So excuse me if the $240, presents, and birthday cards you sent on behalf of your son does nothing to sway my emotions your way. I don’t care how good of a person you are. It makes no difference because the proof is in the pudding. Your influence on children is bought and paid for and I am not raising my son to be bought. So knowing your son, it should come as no shock to you the below text message I recieved less than an hour after we left the court house. He still had to pay child support and boy oh boy did that royally piss in his cherrios. Oh and right above that? That’s the happy birthday text at 10PM for his child because of course every 10 year old is out of bed at 10PM and your son doesn’t and hasn’t ever known how to make phone calls to my son. So his wish below was granted. John Thomas is curently in the middle of an adoption. He doesn’t have to waste any of his future time or frugal disability check to provide for my child. He won’t get to stop paying his back child support obligations as he so hopes, but my son will have a fresh start. My son now has a father who loves him more than life. Who is willing to spend his time and work hard to provide for him. He also has amazing grandparents who fill him with love and time. He is loved beyond measure. So don’t act as if your absence from his life has robbed him of something. You can sleep better tonight because I can assure you it hasn’t.