This very early AM, I was flipping through Flipboard and came across a seemingly normal article on Business Insider, 5 Reasons to Keep Your Money Separate From Your Spouse. Now being married with combined finances, it peaked my interest. I read it and moved on, but something about it just kept nagging at me. If you chose not to click and read, let me list those 5 reasons for you: 1. You’ll avoid a power imbalance 2. We’re more accustomed to financial independence than ever 3. It promotes healthy spending habits 4.It balances the burden of money stress 5.A breakup won’t mean financial chaos.
I’m sorry what did you just say Brittany? Now to be fair here BI didn’t post the original article. A blogger named Brittany Lyte from Wise Bread did, but being such a prominent information database, cmon now BI. There are so many things wrong in these 5 things, I really don’t know where to begin but to say, HEY!!! THIS IS WHERE WE ARE IN THE WORLD! You may have already asked, why is she blaming this on the conservatives? Or what is the big deal? The big deal is, this whole article is a divorce promoting asshole of an article. If you can’t read, A breakup won’t mean financial crisis, and see that I don’t know what to tell you. Who created this culture? The very same people that scream they’re trying to avoid it. You know them. The people who scream, fight, kick, petition, sue and cry to keep marriage between a man and a woman. Those very same people are so focused on the gender of the marriage party, that they forget that marriage is ultimately about love, sacrifice, trust, understanding, leaning on each other for support, ya know for better or worse, in sickness and health, UNTIL DEATH DO US PART. So they have spent the last who knows how long, for me at least 2 decades, teaching their children the sexuality (yeah I said it. It’s true. You have promoted sexuality! GASP!) in a marriage instead of the spirit of a marriage. And this my friends, is why for the last lifetimes we’ve now, divorce is just a thing that happens. It’s no longer a tragedy.
“I don’t like the way you spend money so I think it’s time we part ways.” You see in #1 up there, they talk about how one spouse may make significantly more than the other and if you combine finances, one may become accustomed to a lifestyle they can’t afford after a “breakup”. You see it’s a casual breakup. You stood before God (or whatever ceremony was sacred for you) and gave the ultimate oath, but we can just break it at any time, it’s cool. There is no loyalty there. To God, to your spouse, to yourself. That person saw all of these people screaming MARRY A WOMAN, MARRY A MAN and thought ok cool that’s all I have to do. Probably not that literally, but they most certainly did no have the actual virtues of a marriage instilled in them. Who gives a damn if your spouse makes more money than you? No matter how you shake it, we still have more money together than we do separate. I don’t even now what to say about #2. I still have just as much independence as I did before I got married.
Now #3 is just a crackup. “United we stand, divided we fall”. I probably don’t have to say any more than that, but I will. I trust and value my husbands opinions. It doesn’t matter of he’s a bad spender or I am. Together, we balance it out. I find myself now questioning a splurge purchase because we share money and it’s a good thing. If I didn’t trust my husband or he didn’t trust me, I would be a nervous wreck all day, every day because I need to figure out how the hell I’m getting home to hide that package Amazon just delivered. Brad likes to say it’s Christmas at out house every day. He comes home and there’s something new Kaite’s ordered. You see my husband trusts that I didn’t just buy something frivolous. He knows I value HIM enough to talk about a purchase we may not need and he does the same to me. And we can both say no and not fight about it. We are loyal and trusting to each other. Our marriage has respect. Our parents had the good sense to teach us about respect, love, acceptance, and trust. It might have taken us a while to find the person we could, but we knew what we were looking for. I have, in my many many churches, found 2 pastors that preached this as well. It doesn’t matter who you love, as long as you have the foundations for a real partnership.
#4. What do you even think about that one? I mean let me tell you, if I had mismanaged my money and had to go to my husband and admit this and ask for some? Stressful! Trust me, we know. It is 2 billion times less stressful for us to see both of our spending and curb it.
The one that just really blew my brain to pieces was #5. Hey! Get ready for a divorce! That’s what it screamed at me. You better start hiding your assets because they’re coming for ’em! So maybe, just maybe this one here should nail it home for you. Oh, my misguided people. You are so wrapped up in a conversation you know nothing about, that you’re destroying the institution you’re fighting so hard to protect. What are you so afraid of? To give you a little here, what do you think Jesus is going to say on Judgement Day? Thank you my followers for kicking and screaming until the end! No, probably not. He’s going to shake his head and say, I told you love was the greatest of them all. Show me your love for all. And you won’t be able to do it. I like to think he’ll go through a slideshow of your words, and how impactful they were, and the domino effect that had on marriages. In reality he may just open up the gates of hell and let you fall into a loveless marriage for all eternity where you’re constantly dealing with lawyers. So I say to you now, just stop. Teach your children how to love, not who to love. Teach them how to be kind, respectful, trusting, loyal, and forgiving. Show them how to be tolerant. Your actions speak louder than words. I’ve said it before, it takes a village. If you don’t have children, you’re still making an impact. You, my friend, are one kind gesture away from changing the world. Instead of putting all that energy into stopping people from marrying, we should be putting it into supporting healthy relationships. Can you do that?